WHEN LIFE SPEAKS

Sister

2011-11-26T10:23:00.000-08:00

I’ve seen you a million times over
Throughout the course of my life
But I’ve never witnessed you before
Like I did on yesterday

When our eyes locked
A pain throbbed in my chest
As your emotions attacked my heart
With disgust and hatred

Every time I would open my mouth to speak
Your razor sharp eyes pierced me even more
And the presence of evil tugged at my lungs
Strangling my every breath

Taken back by the unpleasant image of your true colors
The light of my vision begun to fade
My head swelled with pressure and my blood flowed rapidly
From battling Satan in my mind

Finally, I approached freedoms door
Reaching for the knob, I turned and looked back at you
And that’s when He appeared
I saw God in your tear drops

At that moment, my body relieved itself
I inhaled the clean particles of gas in the air
And I felt the gravity in your heart
Pulling for mine

Although, you couldn’t feel me physically
At that moment, I embraced you with a brotherly love
And I asked God to protect you
As I exited your domain

With my hands still holding the knob on the other side of the door
I prayed for peace and revelation from God
To enter your room, capture your mind, and reveal to you
Exactly who will carry you when you feel like falling!

Hopeful Affair

2011-10-05T22:57:00.000-07:00

What good is your word when I've never heard you speak anything but lies

So baby please shhhh! just be quiet

Let me seize the moment to breathe in a breath of fresh air

Before we perfume the atmosphere with the smell of our sin

I keep telling myself to fall back more over and again

Yet I continue to keep letting you back in

Damn! I wish my flesh wasn't so weak

Then maybe I'd be able to speak

And use my head before jumping in bed

With another man's wife

Never in a million years

Would I have thought that one of my biggest fears

Would be getting caught creeping

With a married woman who's supposed to be at home sleeping

While her husband is at work!

Little does he know

As soon as he clocks in, she clocks out

And without a doubt

She knocks on my door

Night after night lusting for more

Of what she say's she's missing at home

And as much as I want to refuse her

I oblige, continuing to satisfy her needs

All-the-while believing that she is going to leave him for me!

G.R.A.C.E. (Getting Renewed And Covered Everyday)

2011-09-19T18:57:00.000-07:00

Like the titanic I'm treading on waters slowly sinking

Heart racing, pulse pacing, mind constantly thinking

Trying to figure out, how in hell did I get to this place

From sprinting to walking now crawling, trying to endure the race

Like a dying tree in the forest, I stand in pain

Praying to the healer, to send down the rain

So my roots can stop shaking and be so at ease

That I may once again be a cool breeze

But in a way, like a slave, I'm tired

Tired of fighting and working so hard everyday only to be fired

And replaced by the very people I've trained

Then off to another job I go, without anything gained

Sometimes I feel like a muppet

Controlled by the hands of another, like some cheap puppet

I know I am a real boy

But often times I feel like a toy

Being played with by society

And you wonder why I suffer with anxiety

If only you could walk in my shoes

Then maybe you'd understand what it feels like to lose

Patience I have, but hope seems thin

What must I do to turn this life of mine over again

Who do I have to prove what to

To end this cycle of constantly feeling blue

I wish I could rewind my emotions to when I felt free

I'd travel again and again back to happy me

I wouldn't care at all or have the slightest once of worry

Unfortunately, that's not my story

For my life is real and not make believe

The only way to be a winner is to constantly achieve

That's why even though I feel walked on like the ground

I can't dwell on it too long and keep my head down

Because I have so much to smile about

Even in chaos, my life, without a doubt, is worth a shout

So I must continue to pick back up these pieces of me

And unselfishly choose to be happy

Even though in my shoes lies a strain

Someone else is walking in more pain

So forgive me father for being ungrateful

I doubted you, but now I'm back faithful

I know that I may feel like the titantic

But I know that you will protect me and never leave me to sink

For you said in your word that you are able to do

Exceedingly and abundantly above all I can ask or think

And I know that you are not a man that you should lie

Therefore I will no longer cry

Instead, I will rejoice and be of good cheer in this place

And continue to thank you for your Amazing Grace

Lies

2011-09-02T14:49:00.000-07:00

Every day it poisons the atmosphere

Condemning reality with make believe

A chain a non-sense foolery

Spoken to deceive

Trying to right what's wrong

By providing some hype thrill

Creating an interesting garnish

To camouflage the real deal

Temporarily distressful yet often successful

Used in hopes to avoid jail

Selling our souls to the oppressor

Making up our beds in hell

Helping nothing, confusing all

Trying hard to make amends

One plus one after the other plus another

The cycle never ends

Until the chain begins to create a circle

And the circle creates a rope

That tightens the vocal chords to release the truth

And give us hope

Life is a gift, the way we live it is a choice!

2011-08-12T01:48:00.000-07:00

partial darkness diminished from light

I lay hidden beneath Its covering

unconscious in a natural periodic state of rest

experiencing a series of images, ideas, and emotions

anticipating the sensation of them coming to pass

mental and emotional suffering I've endured far too long

being married to a partner called sin

imprisoning myself, walking by sight

blinded by my intense eagerness

for that deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection

and solicitude toward another person called love

purified waters, I contaminated before marriage

created a chain of partners

eventually yielding relentless years

of free falling tears

dripping from my eyes in disgust

of my reality show

if only I could rewind time

I'd make better decisions

rather than rationalize

justifying the reasons why

I rebelled moreover and again

from divorcing sin

unfortunately, life isn't operated by a remote

which means it is at continuous play

until the day comes when it stop broadcasting

then and only then will our stories end

so until that day comes

we must open our eyes, step back into the light

and face the heat of being disobedient

serving the opposer

Choose Ye This Day, Whom Ye Will Serve...

Joshua 24:15

One Woman's Blues

2011-08-05T02:03:00.000-07:00

Every time I speak with her

I listen closely as her voice sings the blues

very emotionally she expresses great hurt in her heart

from being broken and misused

she lectures on and on and on

about how year after year she's gone

through the same heartbreaking things

patiently waiting for change to call,

but the phone never rings

now she's reached a point of rage

too afraid to turn the page

because she's weary, weary of the next chapter in her life

wondering whether or whether not she will remain his wife

They say that out of every drug

the most powerful and addicting one is love

and she has truly overdosed not only the drug

but the possibility of ever becoming clean

because no matter how many times the toxins of love poison her heart

she remains a junkie

refusing to overcome her desire

daily burning in the heat of loves fire

My God

It is my prayer to you for her

that you will open up her blind eyes and give her vision

so that she can see the possibility

of living her life without all the hostility

so that she can look into the mirror

and she the great woman that she is

that magical dream come true to every man who ever wished in his life

to behold such a precious token as she for a wife

Truly, I would never want to see a home broken after countless years

but if the foundation of that home is built on a lie

then one may as well start kissing the walls goodbye

because they'll never be strong enough hold the roof of a wounded heart

they'll never stand bold enough to protect the soul

they'll never stretch wide enough to recover the sweet memories of a tired mind

And they will never possess enough strength to last throughout the end of time

therefore one must break down those rugged walls

and unto them, light a match, start from scratch

and build a sturdy foundation that will support every wound,

every scar, every nick, and and every stain

that may come in time

My God

It is my prayer to you

that you will take the ruins of the old walls

and rebuild them in your likeness so that they will never fall

into the pits of sin to avoid her ever singing this blues song again

Thinking out loud

2011-08-05T01:35:00.000-07:00

Walking fast, Moving Slow,
Surrounded by paths, Yet no where to go,
Voices call, No answer,
Living each day, Dying of cancer,
My reality, Your fear,
You're in sorrow, I'm full of cheer,
Forever praising, Until my time runs out,
In Heaven I'll be, Without a doubt,

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Thinking out loud...

2011-08-05T01:09:00.000-07:00

Eyes open, Vision gone,

Mind wondering, How long,

Sleepless nights, Restless days,

Refusal to give up, Persistence pays,

Days gone by, Same ole stuff,

Lord help me, I've had enough....

Church Folk

2011-07-22T04:08:00.000-07:00

When you see me on Saturday night partying, having fun with my friends

Then you come into the house of the Lord Sunday morning and witness me singing,

Giving God praise and worship,

You ultimately begin to form your opinion of me

And you come to the conclusion that I am not saved,

And that I have no place before God,

And that I should feel ashamed to enter into His Holy presence

As I Am

You then have the audacity to put your mouth on me

Condemning me with your file tongue

And judging me before truly getting to know me

Who it is, that which, I am

And you have the nerve to speak negatively over my life

As if your walk in Christ

Is straighter and greater than mine

It's all a bit funny how you, with your 20/20 vision

Is able to see, very clearly, my faults

And when you look into a mirror

Your perfect vision, all-of-a-sudden, begins to fade

And the image of what you see becomes so distorted, so pixilated

That you literally photoshop the real you,

Camouflaging your flaws

Trying to convince people that you have it all together

I have learned that there are two types of church folk

There are those like myself, which I refer to as, "The Live Audience"

And there are those others of whom I call, "The Studio Audience"

See, the difference between us two is that

The studio audience often appears perfected

Everyone is trained of how to conduct themselves

How do look the part

What to say or do when the preacher does this or that

Or when the choir sings

You are usually controlled by the actions of who's operating before you

Opposed to who operates within you

The live audience on the other hand is often affected

Which means, we are bound to get off track here and there

We don't always look the part (whatever it is that the part looks like)

Or conduct ourselves in traditional ways or ways that's perceived to be correct

Sometimes, depending on how the spirit moves, we may become disorderly

And begin to go off task and interrupt service with our praise and worship

We usually don't care about who's watching us or who's putting their mouth's on us

Cause see, we move in spirit and in truth

And we are unafraid to show our true colors

Someone once asked me the question:

Does your lifestyle line up with your word?

And I contemplated on that for a moment before I answered

And to his dismay, I answered No

I would be foolish to say that it does

But I have come across a many of people,

Whom when I asked that question, they answered yes

And some of those same people look at me

The party guy and wonder how I became so blessed!

Well here is the answer for all of those of you who wants to know.

I never ever want my lifestyle to line up, with my word

Instead, every single day that I am here

I try my best to line up my life with His word

And because He knows my heart

And He loves me in spite of my wrongs

He continues to bless my coming and my going

And that alone, gives me reason to sing, and shout, and praise, and worship God

Not just on Sunday morning when you see me

But on Monday, Tuesday

I will Bless the Lord

On Wednesday, Thursday

I will Bless the Lord

And on Friday, Saturday

I will Bless the Lord

So to all of you so called church folk

I apologize if I am not worthy of the glory of God in your eyes

But as long as I live and to me God continues to give

I will be in the house on Sunday Morning standing before you

Giving God the highest praise

Untittled

2011-06-01T19:02:00.000-07:00

Ring Ring!
“Hello”
Yes may I speak with The Messenger?
“Speaking”
This is ‘the company’ calling.
We’d like to offer you the position.
“Wow, that’s great news! I’m honored to come abroad.”
Great! Can you start next week (Monday) 12 noon?
“Sure thing, I will see you then”

Just when I thought, I was never going to get a job that provides more income, my life changed. I, like most people, was living from check to check, struggling day in and day out trying to make ends meet. Then suddenly a door opened. At first, I thought that it was the door that I was supposed to walk through. I should have followed my first mind and prayed about it because I literally walked through the gateway to hell! I allowed my flesh to make a decision for my heart. Now, I don’t dislike my previous job as much!

God has a way of reminding us to never take any blessing for-granted. I now know that “He will keep me in perfect peace if my mind stays on thee.” I know this to be true because although I wasn’t making as much money, I was at peace on my last job. I was motivated by God to do my job and be of good cheer, but as soon as I gave in to the enemy and allowed my desire for money to become my motivation, I lost site of who God was. God provides all of my needs, not money! Therefore, I know now that I should seek first his kingdom and all other things will be added to me.

My prayer now, is for God to use me to change my atmosphere. He allowed me to walk through the wrong door, but He promised to never leave or forsake me. Now unto him who is able to do exceeding and abundantly above all I can ask or think, I simply say God work on my behalf, order my steps, and use me to do your will and in your way.

Ring Ring!
“Hello”
Yes may I speak with The Messenger?
“Speaking”
This is ‘your company’ calling

How great is our God?.......

Emotionally Incarcerated

2011-05-25T21:17:00.000-07:00

Days turned dark
Night’s cold
Feelings of depression
Never growing old

Confined in a box of solitude
With walls of shame
Pictures of happiness lost
Only memories remain

Raped by love
Damaged by lust
Refusal to try again
Too afraid to trust

Repetitious Play
Never a pause
Suicidal effects
Without a cause

Years gone by
Time misused
Reluctant to cry
Yet emotionally abused

And this too shall pass
They often say
Still the same old sad song
Continues to play

Then out of no where arose the question
Why aren’t you free?
You’ve shackled yourself in chains
Of which you possess the key!

Rock Steady

2011-03-16T16:00:00.000-07:00

That’s it, I think I got it!
I’ll just pack up and move away from here
Walk in confidence to attempt something new
And stop living in fear

Today, I’m beginning to end
It has been written! Plan A followed by plan B
Now, I’m stepping out on faith
How great it feels to be free!

I’ve stayed in my comfort zone for far too long
Willingly submitting unto your stronghold
But it’s a new season, a new day
And I’ve regained control

No longer will I be manipulated and bamboozled
Your spell has been lifted
Finally, I see the greatness in me
I am truly gifted!

I perceived myself to be blind
Because I had lost sight of my dreams
Choosing to believe that the only way to win
Was to surrender to my enemies

Foolishly, I thought
That maybe, the devil isn’t a liar
Oh, but thanks be unto God for confirmation
And for filling me with the Holy Ghost fire

Now I’m stronger, wiser, better
And finally ready
Still facing the storms of life
But in all, I’m rocking steady!

Eve's Reign

2010-12-28T19:22:00.000-08:00

In one night, I lost myself in your masked deception
And my emotions became so firm and so intense
I literally, propelled them inside of your protective walls
Trusting you to incarcerate my heart and hold it as your prisoner

Your loving made me feel so desired and so free
Holding you in my arms and caressing your soft body
While kissing your sweet lips as our bodies began to warm from touching
Made me cheat on myself, breaking the laws of love

I was so intoxicated from an evening of intense bliss
I allowed my mind to be lured into a night of eccentric infatuation
I fell asleep with a the perfect dream come true
And I woke up to reality caressing the coldness of a cotton filled air bag

After I released my pillow from my grasp
I laid back on my bed and rested my head
Feeling as if I was dead
Because my heart and my body felt cold

And at that moment, I knew exactly how Adam had gotten into his situation
Just like me, he couldn’t resist the twist in Eve’s hips
The zest in her seducing gestures
And the mesmerizing appeal from her lips

Feeling isolated and confused
Unknowing of what was to come
All I could do was sit in silence
Praying to God to have mercy

But I knew my disobedience would yield punishment
Just as Adams did
Although I didn’t feel any pain
I knew that I had been bitten by a serpent in disguise

The Talk

2010-09-12T22:02:00.000-07:00

All of my life I’ve been waiting
Waiting to hear a word for you
Waiting for you to sit me down
And teach me about life
Talk to me about girls
And how I’m supposed to treat them
Teach me how to be a man
And show me how to stand on my own

For twenty Four years I’ve been on this earth
And still, I wait – to have that talk
I know I’m supposed to have Faith
The size of a mustard seed
But all my Faith in you, have gone
I blazed on you for a while
But my last puff has been blown

And your little bit of smoke that is left
Isn’t worth my fire
Because I’d only be inhaling lies and toxic chemicals
That will get in my head and corrupt me
So rather puff on what’s left of you
I think I’ll pass
I guess the saying is true
Any guy can be a dad
But it takes a real man to be a father

If I was to mold my life
According to the example you have set before me
I’d be floating up shi! creek and on my way towards destruction
Thankfully, I have had that talk

Only, I didn’t have it with you
I had to get all of my wisdom from another man
It’s sad because you’re still here, but it’s true
See He stepped in when I needed a dad the most
And He embraced me

He picked me up when I fell on my face
And helped me patch up my wounds
He taught me how to be a man
And how to treat woman
He promised to never leave me or forsake me
In spite of my shortcomings
And He told me that when things get hard
He will keep me in perfect peace

And He said that the battles I’ll have, He’ll fight
But most Importantly
He told me that I am His son
And that He loves me
And that alone makes me proud to call Him my Father

UNTITLED

2010-07-13T22:02:00.000-07:00

If you release your mind

And allow your brain to get to know me

It will learn that underneath all the rugged layers of my flesh

Lives a heart that hankers love

I admit, I’m a hard shell to crack

But once I’m open, I’m open and ready, willing, and able

To accept everything that love has to offer

That is until it gives me reason to seal

The beauty about life is the fact that it takes us on a journey

An unplanned adventure created for us to experience

Without any notice of where we will end

Or what/who we will end with

This mystery keeps things interesting

And all-the-more exciting

Thus makes it all worth living

It creates an expectance of the unexpected

With God has the author of life

My story has truly become my favorite book

Because it’s full of mystery, excitement, drama, and love

And its plot thickens daily

My anticipation to see what will happen next

Creates in me a strive to better myself

Because I wouldn’t want my story to end with a tragedy

Rather a personal and endearing memoir of an extraordinary man

When my daddy planted my seed inside my mommy

And she developed me for 9 months

Before releasing me to the world

God truly gave me a special gift…..LIFE

And when I look back over the years

Thinking about how far I’ve come since my birth

I finally realize that the thing I desired most (LOVE)

God had already given it to me before I was even born!

And for that, all I can say is thanks!

Still Fighting

2010-07-11T16:12:00.000-07:00

Every single day of my life
I am faced with obstacles
Things that step into my path with a purpose to limit my progression
And although these obstacles sometimes are a bit challenging
Still I proceed with confidence
Knowing that I can overcome all strongholds
And since God made a promise to never put more upon me than I can bare
I stand boldly in the face of my enemies
Ready for the mighty battle that produces a matchless victory

See, I realize that life is not going to be a calm journey
That’s not the way things work
I am convinced to believe that as I become closer and closer to my destiny
God will allow the devil to try and make me stray from my mission
But don’t get it twisted
Just because God will use the enemy doesn’t mean that He is the enemy
See He teaches us through His word to be faithful and to have faith
But often times we forgot that

We act as though God isn’t Lord of all
That’s when we find ourselves purposelessly fighting
Fighting battles that’s not meant for us
Fighting sins that He has already forgiven us for
After having asked for forgiveness so many times
Fighting for freedom not realized that we encage ourselves for we were born free
Fighting the doctors assumptions for our final rest time when God has the final say
Fighting tears that has been cried over and over again for the same things
Fighting insults and ridicules from people
All the while knowing that their words can not harm you
Unless you believe it to be so

Fighting, Fighting, Fighting
Till the body gets weak
Till the mind gets tired
Till the heart becomes loveless
Till the soul becomes wounded
That’s when we fall and we cry out to God
Asking Him for strength
Strength to get up and fight through another day
And we ask for love
Love to restore the pain in our hearts
And we ask for knowledge
Knowledge to feed a week mind
And we ask lastly for forgiveness
Forgiveness to restore our souls for cleansing
And after God blesses us once again with His gifts of Grace
What do we do?

We get up the very next day and we find ourselves still fighting
And in most cases, we are fighting the same battles
We deal with the same obstacles
Only this time, we fight differently
See this time
We fight with the strength of God

This time
We fight with the love of God

This time
We fight with the wisdom of God
The time
We fight with the knowledge of God

And because there is nothing that can defeat the body of Christ
We find ourselves in the midst of a might battle
However, we’re progressing our way through

So Real

2010-07-11T16:02:00.000-07:00

I can hear you
I can feel you
And when I close my eyes I can even see you
But I’ve never actually met you

Sometimes I hear you calling out my name
And when I sleep at night my dreams drive me insane
Because they are always of you
Then when I wake, reality reminds me that you are not true

But how can someone I often dream about seem so real
Why does the voice of this stranger in my head cause my body to chill
I just don’t understand
Why to me, you are the perfect woman
And I don’t even know who you are

It’s like I’ve been wishing upon a star
Waiting for you to shoot from a far
And land right next to me
And look into my eyes and say, “I am she”

The women of your dreams
Your soul mate your queen
Your future wife
And mother of your children

But you don’t really exist
You’re just my imaginary face of bliss
And definition of my life’s happiness
And every time I open my eye’s from my dreams of you, that’s when reality hits
And I realize that you are just a myth
Yet you seem so real

Changing Lanes

2010-07-06T19:32:00.000-07:00

Every day when I get into my car
I soon find myself on the road again
Traveling to what I’d hope would be the unknown
Yet what I see is so familiar

Sometimes I wish I could just turn left
Travel across a bridge
And take a tour
Around a place that I’ve never seen before

Over and beyond the hills
On the other side of the rainbow
And through the forest
New adventures I seek to explore

I would like to greet my fellow brothers and sisters with a hug
And shake hands with someone I’ve never met
All the while introduction myself to the world
Before dying in regret

I want to write my name in the present
So that people will remember it in history
And share my story with those
Who have yet to arrive

I want to wake up to a world
That’s full of smiles
Happy people who actually appreciates the gift of life
And humbles themselves to Christ

I want to walk down the road
And get blown away by all the love that propels in the air
Capture a little for myself
So that I may share in the essence of its purpose

I want to sing praises to our king
And spread all the joy that it brings
Making the world fire up with the Holy Ghost who is Lord
To try and change the pathway to hell that we’re headed toward

For what may seems hopeless
Is still possible if we only have faith
And remember that God didn’t die for us to live our lives this way

All I Need (Your Love)

2010-06-14T17:20:00.000-07:00

I don't need money
To buy your love
And I don’t need a closet
To hide your love
I don’t need a heart
To store your love in
And I don’t worry about
Its feeling

Because I know
No matter where I go
It will never leave me
Nor will it deceive me

And no matter how far
I try to set apart
It will always be there
Deeper than my heart

And I love it
Because it loves me
Oh Jesus!
Your love is all
All I need!

FROM P (people) TO POG (people of God)

2010-06-06T22:19:00.000-07:00

I try to give you the benefit of the doubt

But, more times than often, you fail me

You are so fickle

One day you're crowing and beaming in my face

Then the next day you pierce my heart
With the striking hatred that gorges yours

For nearly 25 years, I have been blinded by your darkness

But as my eyes finally open wide
And I witness the light shinning upon you

I, for the first time in my life, begin to see your true colors;

I now behold the pigmentation that makes up who you really are

Presently, I am baffled

And left with a head full of bothersome questions like:

Are you and I friends?

Should I separate myself from you?

Can I live my life without you?

How must I deal with you?

I am still afflicted by the fact that I have allowed myself
To be induced by you for so long

What on earth was I thinking?

Or was I even thinking at all?

I can't believe how fast season's change

Yesterday, I looked at you and I saw my best of friends

Today, your image disgusts me

I vomit at the very idea of me ever degrading myself again
By associating with such filth

You are sick and downright evil

I am so grateful to God for delivering me from you

I cannot live life without you

But surely, I don't have to live life like you

We may all be created in His image and in his likeness

But because you caused me to sin
I cut you off and casted you away from me

I couldn't operate righteously being chained

Linked to unbelievers and worshipers of the devil

For God I live and for God I'll die

I will no longer be threatened
Nor will I hang among the wrath of the wicked

I admit, it was hard for me to let you go
Because I didn't want to be alone

But I am not alone nor was I ever lonesome

When you pull the dead leaves out of the soil
The pot may look empty for a while

But as the sun continues to shine
Something new and better will come up
Again I have arisen from the dirt
But this time, I'm surrounded by pogs
From a much richer soil

And I couldn't possibly feel any better

Love Child

2010-05-15T14:57:00.000-07:00

Every time I look into her young eyes I can see the many nights that she's cried from all the things she's gone through

Only 12 years old and already she's written the blues

Innocent since birth, yet victimized time and time again on Earth

By the very people who is supposed to love her

But just like a witches evil potions she' s been cursed with the blood of the wicked

Now only God can cleanse her soul and once again make her whole

I've watched her change colors like the sky

Black from a strike to her to eye

Purple from bruises to her physique

Red from her stolen innocence

Blue from the emotion representing most of her days

For this child I pray

I pray for peace to rest in her mind as she evolve in time

And I pray for love to cover all the coldness that lye in her heart

And I pray for healing, healing to give her a brand new start

So that she can see for the first time in her life what is like to be a child

And not a punching bag

And not a sexual play object for a heartless man

Or a piece of garbage thrown into the garbage can

Or target practice for a size 12

I pray that God will remove all the scars to reveal an untampered flesh beneath the layers this love child

And give a brand new smile

One that will radiant with beauty

Poise with laughter

Cry with happiness

And glow with love

I pray that her lader will be greater than her past

I pray that she will grow up to be smarter than her wounded weak mind right now

Father if there isn't another thing I ask of you throughout my days

I pray that you will deliver this baby from her inherited evil ways

And show her that all the colors of her past represents a rainbow

A promise to her that no matter how many storms may come into her life

She will never be destroyed from the waters that rain down from her eyes

the many nights that she's cried

from all the nightmares of her past life.

The Look of Love

2010-05-15T14:50:00.001-07:00

one morning she opened up her eyes gaining full sight

and she looked in the mirror and noticed that her body was just right

she then smiled, swung her hips from side to side

caressed the plumpness of her virgin thighs

and to herself, she winked her eye

she was ready

yes ready for love

ready to be touched in places

by the boy that she'd often dream of

and so her mind was set

she opened up and finally let him in

in her heart

in her bed

then finally in between her legs

when it was all said and done

she sighed to herself "love isn't supposed to hurt"

and she was absolutely right

but she continued to endure to hurt

night after night after night......

until she realized that

all she and he now had was just sex

so she decided to slow down

and surely He quit coming around

quit answering her calls

quit responding to her emails

quit texting back

leaving her hurt

misused and abused

lost and afraid to love again

then one morning she opened up her eyes gaining full sight

and she looked in the mirror and noticed that her body was just right

she then smiled, swung her hips from side to side

caressed the plumpness of her now broken thighs

and to herself, she winked her eye

she was ready

yes ready for love again

only this time she desired more than the physical

she desired real love

that you stay on my mind all day love

that I can't get enough of you love

that you're all I dream of love

so she allowed her damaged heart to open again

for someone who was not just a boy but a friend

and she slowly but surely gave in

and it felt so right

because it wasn't just sex every night

but and all day love

until he noticed someone else

and for the second time in her life, she was left by herself

days turned into months

and months turned into years

of bitterness towards men

from all her past tears

many would approach her

but only few succeeded

because her experiences brought knowledge

so she could tell from first meet and greet that they wasn't what she needed

and even for the ones who had made it

to the first or even second to third date

she scooped them right from her plate

because she realized that they didn't go well with her meal

though the garnish was nice

she wanted something that taste real

and could blend with everything

and of course she's been called out her name

ridiculed and picked on and marked with some sort of label

but what most failed to see that she is just a girl

who wants something stable

the girl next door

that down chick with the sexy body

the cutie, the hotie

a freak in the sheets

a woman in the streets

sometimes a psychotic episode

or and extremely heavy load

but a realest

a friend

a companion

a potential mother

and wife

but because she has a camouflage from love

most are unwilling to go that extra mile to unwrap her inner beauty

and see all the beautiful pieces of her

and love her flaws and all

and appreciate everything that makes up who she is

she will continue to wait

only this time not on man

but wait on God to send a husband

even if it takes a lifetime

but when she finally receives her blessing

she will finally be able to

go to the mirror, open of her eyes gaining full sight

and say it doesn't matter how I look today

because he loves me

Inspired by Arlexia James

RED, WHITE, AND BLUE

2010-05-15T14:28:00.000-07:00

RED WHITE AND BLUE

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Red

Giving me mortality by flowing through my body in the form of blood

And not just any blood

Thick, rich, deep, and sacred blood

Passed down to me from generations

of ancestors that led to the birth of my mother and father

which led to the creation of me

Blood that is often shed when I’m wounded

Blood that is often sacrificed for others whose bodies are thirsty

Blood that is purified as it travels through my veins and pumps from my heart

A unique blend of just the right pigmentations that make me who I am

A political radical or revolutionary color that sometimes

Stain our neighborhood streets, paint the walls of many buildings, infect the lives of innocent children, and wash the floors of emergency rooms across the world

From thick to thin

Found in the bodies of women, animals, and men

With power to kill, heal, cleanse, and save from the affliction of sin

A patriotic color representing a section to the symbol we call The American Flag

The color of the sky at sunset

The color my skin turns when I get upset

A representation of warm or hot and even the emotion love

Identifying the hearts of all people

Reminding us that even in a raciest world once all is blood is shed, we are all equal

White

The definition of purity

The Essence of Snow or that tasty beverage we call milk

The color of the clouds the migrate the sky when the climate is at its best

A contrasting color to all

But sometimes a bit raciest

Wanting nothing to do with any color other than itself

Thinking that it is better than any one else

But often stained and named

Non-convicted murderers that hide behind mask

Waiting to kill anything that doesn’t have a similar contrast

Thinking that all power rest in its hands

Just because it is currently above all of man

In terms of its economic status and class

Not realizing that if it stood alone

The world would be pale, colorless, and blank

And everything would have the same rank

Therefore there wouldn’t be anything to gain

Not even a stain

A so called reactionary or royalist

A counterrevolutionary mind that’s like no other, but

Only strong when it has another color to call brother

Blue

The color of the clear sky or the deep blue sea

The color I feel when I’m emotionally unhappy

A rigorous, balefully murky, yet beautiful color

That falls in the top three

Number two to be exact

After all is done

2^nd place is not so bad

Therefore there is no need for one express its emotion

which is often sad

Rather represent its antonym cheerful

And be of good spirit

Remember that blue is the color of the sky

And that Heaven is above

Therefore blue must be 2^nd place to love

Red, White, and Blue

Doesn't only represent the colors of America

The represent me, they represent you

Elevated

2010-05-11T19:23:00.000-07:00

This poem was inspired by so many people I've met throughout my journey. I hope that it inspires you!

I sometimes ask the questions
If God loves me, then why can’t I love myself?
Why am I only happy when I’m pleasing someone else?
Even I can’t understand
Why my desire for the love of man
Exceeds my desire for the love of God

Growing up in a small town with good looks, a nice figure, and a witty personality
Easily made me popular and earned me fame
Then I moved to a place where no one knew my name
Years of unhappiness passed and I had no one to blame, but myself
Because I got content with putting me on the bottom shelf
To help display everyone else

And as time went on, I managed to create an invisible image of myself
Even I became blind to who I was
I was lost, feeble, and confused
But I continued on allowing myself to be used
Now I’m just abused

Hurt from all the pain I allowed myself to experience
By lowering my standards and accepting less than what God said I could have
Such a fool I am
To live my life this way
And continuously pay
A debt that I don’t even owe

They say you reap what you sow
And that’s true
But if you keep allowing yourself to be consumed
You will forever feel blue
Dejected and concealed
In a state of mistaking identity
To a point of crisis

And that’s exactly where I am today
I’m afraid that if I don’t begin to change my ways
I will only have worse days
To look forward to
And because my past has proven this to be true

I have decided that today, I will start living for me again
I declare myself now loosed from the sin
Of putting others before God
I'm going to take all the memories of the old me
And create a trail that will help me find who I am
The person God Himself created me to be

And once I find my true self
I will never go back to the bottom shelf
Because I know what it feels like to be there

Consider me elevated!

Falling In Love With Jesus

2010-05-04T19:30:00.000-07:00

I found myself out on the streets
Chasing,
Running,
And spitting game to every girl that I’d meet
I was an addict

Addictive to round apple bottoms
Small waist lines
Curvy hips
Big breast
And sweet full lips

Everyday I was on a mission
Like a dog in heat
I was on the hunt for my next hit

Flattering up woman after woman with charming conversation
Making them think that with me they would be elevated needless did they know
They were being victimized to my condemnation
Because all I had to offer and wanted to give was penetration

That would pierce the walls of their treasures
Allowing me to discover the jewels that were sacredly hidden
And consume their fruit
That was once forbidden

I took pride and found glory on the hunt to catch my prey
Night after night
Day after day
I’d lay sinfully in the comfort of someone else’s home
Not realizing that I was wrong
And I refused to give it up so I went on
Until I found love

And I knew I had fallen in love
Because I developed feelings of regret for my actions
And not only that
I began to receive no satisfaction
I felt drugged
For I was numb at the womb
Therefore it was pointless of me to continue to consume
The one thing that had me in gloom – for so many years

For the first time in my life
I felt torn
Broken
And withered
At this point I realized
That I had been restored
Healed
And delivered

And this new love that I had found
Was an unconditional love
The kind you can be around all day long
And still can’t get enough of

This Love was truly amazing
For when I felt down
It lifted me up
When I felt weak
It made me strong
When I felt like giving up
It pushed me to go on

This Love was like no other
Better than that of a companion
A father
A mother
A sister
Or brother

This Love was higher than the most high
And richer than the richest
It possessed more beauty than anything in the world
Even beyond the beauty of woman and girl

With this Love
I have experienced some of my happiest days
This Love made me give up
All of my evil and wicked ways
Now I find myself giving this love all my praise
For if it had not been for this Love, I’d probably be dead, sleeping in my grave
But thanks to this Love I am blessed to say that I am now saved…

OUT THE BOX

2010-05-04T17:28:00.000-07:00

What happened to you?
You who use to smile and laugh and just glow
But now it seems that life has you stressed
And I try so hard to reach out to you, but you push me away
And enclose yourself in your little box of self solitude
Trying to solve everything on your own
When we are in this thing together

Understanding and considerate of your needs, I am
But I think that as your partner it is selfish of you to lock me out
Of your thoughts, of your struggles, of your box
Can’t you see that seeing you unhappy makes me unhappy?
Sometimes I want to just hug you and squeeze away all the pain
But your heartless self addiction pushes me away

Truly every night for you, I pray
I pray that our latter will be greater than things are now
Because I am empty inside
I need your arms to hold me again
I need your love to console me again
I want our family to create wonderful memories that will generate stories
To tell to our grandchildren

What must we do to brighten the dark clouds that’s storming your happiness
If you just open up to me and let me help
I’ll try my best to be your rainbow
And together we will weather this storm and subdue the dark clouds
But you have to let me inside your box
Otherwise forever, you shall be confined in depression

Believe me when I say, I still love you
And I’m in this thing till death do us part
But I don’t want to be in this thing alone
I need you to join me and our children
As we continue to embark on this journey
To an endless love, so my darling I say unto you
Get out of the box!!

If Only You Knew

2010-05-02T14:14:00.001-07:00

How can you sit there in the same spot every day

And allow people to just come in and play

Rubbing there fingers across your deep brown

While tossing their objects around

Treating you as if you are nothing more

Than some cheap floor whore

The very sight of you brings shame

Yet you never complain

Having the slightest little bit of guilt

You just sit there in their filth

Giving them a free thrill

By allowing them to use you up like a 20 dollar bill

If only you had a heart

Maybe then you’d actually start

To feel violated

Every time you get penetrated

By the many hands

That land

Inside your openings

Or maybe if you had a brain

To function and explain

All the nasty things that people do

When they come in and use you

You would realize that you are being taking advantage of and that you’re very unstable

Unfortunately you have no mind because you’re just a table!!

Park Bench Security

2010-05-02T14:02:00.000-07:00

Every day I sit here on this park bench and I watch you

Observing every single thing about you

From the clothes you wear to the things you do

Like how you wait until you get into your car to put on your make up

And how interestingly you use a tooth brush to style the front of your hair

And how you always seem to forget something that causes you to run back inside

Every day when I sit here watching you

I find out more and more things about you

Like how you never look around to see if anyone is watching
when you hide your spare key in the flower pot that sits next to your front door

I find it a bit funny

To see, just how easy it would be

For someone like me

To harm you

But I like you

So I sit here even when you’re gone

Just to make sure no one invades your home

Because through my watchful eyes

I’ve noticed that you move to swift to realize

That you are placing yourself in harms way

By the things you do every day

Therefore I am your park bench security

Born Again

2010-05-01T17:49:00.001-07:00

Something released inside my body and created a life

Starting in the smallest form, it began to grow

As it continued to grow, my body started to transform

Major changes occurred as I tried to hold this life inside of me

Sometimes I'd feel it kick for freedom

But my walls of flesh denied it's access to the world

I continued to hold this life in bondage

A prisoner it was to me and my body was the institution confining it of it's rights to freedom

Sometimes It would tear at me so hard that my stomach would become upset

Other times it would just sit in one spot as if it was thinking

Thinking of a plan to attack me harder

To torture me with more blows and strikes to my inside walls

But no matter how many times it would fight me, I still managed to keep it shackled

Sometimes tears came to my eyes

Blood ran from my veins

Sweat dripped from my pores

And pain nearly consumed my entirety

I got so weak

But I still battled

I fought and I fought

Until I started to break

The sinful flesh that I used to cover this life began to crack

Soon this life inside of me reached a point of breakage

It's arrival was so intense that it nearly destroyed me

Finally, I had released this life that I had kept in bondage for so long

When it was free, It looked at me and I noticed that we looked just alike

And I realized that we had a lot in common

We were both fighters

Strong creatures with power

But unlike me, his power was beyond human

It seems that the battle he and I had

Didn't harm him at all

But it left me damaged

I stirred at him and he looked at me

As if He wanted to say something

But all He could do was scream and cry

Soon after, I died

Transformed

2010-05-01T17:35:00.000-07:00

At this point in my life

I'm waiting on God to send me my wife

My good thing, my queen

The lady of whom I often dream

For many years I've dated time and time again

Playing the games most men play, falling deeper into sin

But now, I've grown and I've learned

After studying women for so long, finally a degree of knowledge I've earned

And so, I can now honestly say

That the games, I no longer wish to play

For I am now mature

Meaning that, I no longer wish to endure

All the childish things I used to

A few years ago, that was all fine and good

I didn't mind robbing the hood

taking hearts and breaking them

sweet talking my way into minds then raping them

without feeling the slightest little bit of guilt

Just like a bee, I buzzed my way to the center of one beautiful flower

to the next

then once I smelled it's sweet nectar

I'd mark it with the abbreviation ex

and move on mesmerizing others with my hex

Then one night, I fell asleep

and I had a dream

That all the things I was doing to others

Was happening to me

And I woke up crying

Tears of hurt, guilt, and shame

began rolling down my eyes as I called out his name

Jesus!! Jesus please!!

If you hear me

Deliver me

Forgive me

Restore me

Heal me and reveal me

To the real me

The me that you created me to be

The respectful me

The courageous me

The fun, loving, caring, brave, strong, and silly me

The me that knows how to accept love and give love back.

Romans 12:2 "Do not conform yourself to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of GOD. What is good and what is pleasing to Him and is perfect."

You "New Me"

2010-04-30T22:56:00.000-07:00

The war broke out years ago

And today, I'm still fighting

Still trying to stand up and battle

Even though my body is tired

And my mind weak

The memories of our warfare has come and gone

But they want fade

Simply because they are in constant rotation

Playing tunes of hurt and pain and even a little bit of oooh wee in my head

Damn!!

Sometimes I wish I were dead

Then I wouldn't have to endure the antagonizing pain of my 911 with you

See you came into my life in an instance

Very unexpectedly and in little time

However, you still managed to attack my foundation

And break my standing walls

Allowing unwanted guest to enter my territory

Now I'm in the company of a pest that refuses to leave

And I've tried everything in my power to turn off its light

Yet it burns more radiant than sun rays

Especially when I ignore it and try to move on

If I wasn't strong, I would have given up years ago

But just like the survivors of Hurricane Katrina,

I shook the devil off and I stepped out on Faith

Believing in God to get rid of my pest

And I went on a mission to rebuild what is rightfully mine

Now my territory is stronger, wiser, and better

And I owe it all to you

Because if you would have never knocked me down off of my high horse

Or rain on my parade

I would still be living my life lost

Without knowing my purpose

My Destiny

My Godly will to be done

So I thank you

For dropping the bomb on me

To reveal my true self

And for flooding my home

Washing away all my sins

And for destroying the one thing that held me back for years

And that was "My Old Self"

THE MYSTERY OF TIME

2010-04-28T18:31:00.000-07:00

Time is a mystery
That only God can unfold
An unstructured tour guide for travel
Beyond mans control

Filled with adventure
Of both pain and sorrow
An important factor for the future
The very essence of tomorrow

Always ticking and tocking
Never knocking
Or stopping
To see what's popping

Constantly moving
Defeating all those who can’t endure
A contagious disease
With only one cure

The # 1 Doctor’s prescription
Which is priceless to be obtained
Leaving those without it a future lost
And those with it, a lifetime gained